“Quit Yer Bitchin” Friday – Week 5

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I’m feeling somewhat regretful that I chose the above title  for my Friday posts for the Faithful Fridays contest. At the time it was chosen, I thought it was cute, funny, even lighthearted. I’m not feeling lighthearted as I write this and now the title doesn’t feel so cute or funny. Regardless…

It’s been an emotional week and I feel like I’ve been stretched in every possible direction. There have been some emotional highs and there has been one of the lowest lows I’ve known in a long time and there has been a lot in between. Not so long ago, such a trying week might have steered my attitude and outlook right into the dumpster. I’d fall into self-pity mode, pout, refuse to talk and feel sorry for myself.

But I’ve begun to learn something since I started counting my blessings. Being blessed doesn’t always mean that everything is smooth sailing. Life can take us through a lot of troubled waters too. It’s my choice to sink or swim. It’s easy to sink. Sometimes it’s more effort to swim, but it can be so much more rewarding. I don’t want to walk around in a black cloud. I want to be able to weather these storms and and rise above them. I want to come out stronger because of them.

In spite of the rollercoaster effect of the week, I’ve realized many blessings:

I’ve been able to rest and recover at home this week. Most of the time I’m feeling better and better, but there have been a couple of days in which I haven’t felt so hot. And I am barely sleeping at all. My hubby stayed home all week to take care of me and he and the kids have pampered me like crazy. I am blessed to be able to have this time to get back to normal without feeling rushed or having to worry about a thing.

My dad continues to do well, but he is still in the hospital. The doctors have been telling my mom that the kidney is functioning well. But I was slightly disheartened to learn today that the reason the kidney is doing well is because Dad’s blood pressure has maintained at the proper level. And the reason the blood pressure has maintained is because of the fact that he is on Dopamine which can only be administered through an IV. At some point, his body has to maintain his blood pressure without the aid of Dopamine. There is no oral medication to help raise his blood pressure. I am tempted to worry. Everything about me demands that I worry, but I am learning that worry gets me nowhere. I am learning to rely on God, to put my faith in His plan and know that my dad is in His care no matter what happens. And I am finally feeling up to venturing away from home and will get to go visit my dad today for the first time since I left the hospital last weekend. (FRIDAY MORNING UPDATE: I just talked to my mom and my dad is now OFF the dopamine and his blood pressure is maintaining on it’s own! YEAH!)

Being at home has allowed me a luxury I don’t often enjoy anymore. I get to be with my kids. I get to see them when they wake up and I get to talk with them without rushing so that I can get back to work. My kids are growing too quickly and I often miss them so much it saddens me. I am loving the chance to simply hang out with my kids for a change.

Mark and I had to do something this week that was one of the most difficult things we’ve ever done. We had to make the decision to have our 14 year old Springer Spaniel, Shelby put to sleep. She’s been showing signs for the past several months that she wouldn’t be with us much longer. We knew it. The kids knew it. But none of us wanted to really admit it was time. This week, Shelby suffered a stroke. She couldn’t maintain her balance. She was falling down and walking into walls. We had to carry her up and down stairs and she spent most of her time sleeping. Mark talked to the vet and the vet said if Shelby were going to recover from the effects of the stroke, it would happen within a day. She didn’t recover. We had to make the decision to have her put to sleep. It was so hard to watch the kids wrestle with coming to terms with this. The boys slept on our bedroom floor the last night so they could be near Shelby. Thursday morning, we took her in and let her go. It was so hard, but we felt a peace when we saw her simply fall asleep. All of her pain and weakness were gone. We knew that had we tried to hang on to her it would only be for our own selfishness and not for her well-being.  I can’t remember the last time I cried so much, but as I reflected on our years with Shelby, I realized what a blessing she was to us. She was always friendly. She loved us unconditionally. She loved EVERYONE. She was the world’s WORST guard dog… we always joked that if anyone ever broke in the house, Shelby would lick them to death. She didn’t bark. She never bit. She was obedient. She would never leave the yard. She spent years doing something she loved – hunting with Mark and the boys. Last week we were able to bring her to the family cabin one last time; a place she truly loved to be. She lived a good life and she was much loved.

I have also been blessed in that I’ve connected with a wonderful group of people on Cre8buzz who are helping me to grow in my faith and who share how faith is a part of their own lives. They have been so supportive in the last few weeks and constantly amaze me with their faith and positivity. I am grateful to know people who have such compassion for those around them and use the talents and resources they have to reach out to those in need. I am continually amazed at their generosity of spirit.

Finally, I feel blessed that Mark and I will be enjoying a mini-vacation next week. It’s time for our annual couples’ weekend to Bayfield, Wisconsin and the Apostle Islands. After all that’s happened in the last couple weeks, we are really looking forward to a few days with good friends, good food, comfortable accomodations right on Lake Superior and fun in the sun. We always have such a good time on this trip and we can’t wait to get back there again next week.

The Faithful Fridays contest ends next week, but I am considering making counting my blessings a regular thing. This contest has forced me to look beyond the surface and realize how good I have it.  Blessed1 created this contest as a way to encourage others to notice all the ways in which they are blessed in a world that often seems crazy, chaotic and unfair. I have found this to be a great way to shift my focus in a more positive direction and would encourage you to give it a try, even once the contest is over. If you do, please link to Blessed1 so she can see how far her idea has rippled. Go ahead. Give it a try. I promise you won’t be sorry.

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